Where is my gray?

I don’t know how to say what I want… but I am screaming it inside my head. It’s always too soon… and if not its way too late. Regret is something I say I don’t do… but I still carry plenty in my heart. Honesty is great in theory… but sucks when it isn’t all smiles. Apprehension only has the power that I give it… and I seem to give it all I have at times. Jumping in is a great feeling… but what if I drown. I want to be held… but not too tight. See me at my worst… and I still can’t promise my best. I don’t want to look back… but I find myself staring back at times. The future scares me… what if it never gets here. I hate black and white… and want to find the gray.