I don’t know what to say. I am supposed to be sitting here and figuring things out but I don’t want to. I don’t want to look in the mirror and see myself including everything I’ve done… not tonight. I want to go to sleep and forget about it all. I’m not depressed… just tired. Tomorrow I will be better… I hope. I will smile tomorrow… but today I can’t.
I am listening to the song below tonight. I ask myself… who do I know without a doubt would be here after my bombs explode? I also find it interesting… it mentions a “world of gray”… which makes me think even more. Take a read… it’s a great song.
If No One Will Listen ~ by Kelly Clarkson
Maybe no one told you there is strength in your tears
And so you fight to keep from pouring out
But what if you unlock the gate that keeps your secret soul
Do you think that there's enough you might drown
If no one will listen, if you decide to speak
If no one is left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you for what you really are
I will be here still
No one can take you where you alone must go
There's no telling what you will find there
And God, I know the fear that eats away at your bones
It's screaming every step, "just stay here"
If no one will listen, if you decide to speak
If no one is left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you for what you really are
I will be here still
If you find your fists are raw and red
From beating yourself down
If your legs have given out under the weight
If you find you've been settling for a world of gray
So you wouldn't have to face down your own hate
If no one will listen, if you decide to speak
If no one is left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you for what you really are
I will be here still
I would be there still. As I read your thoughts...struggles...and successes it amazes me that you sometimes you lose sight of your own greatness. I can see it. It is as clear as anything ever has been for me. We all lose sight at times...stray off the path...find ourselves in a deep hole in which we think we can't find the opening to. These things are as inivetable as the day coming and the night closing. There is gray all around us...but we can color that gray. In the end my Kris it is up to us to find our own truths...to fight our demons...and to change our course. I can hold your hand.. I can send you love...and believe in the strength and courage I have witnessed in you. Sometimes the road is lonely though...because yes..it is one only we can walk. Just know I will be waiting along that road somewhere...to comfort...encourage...or just listen. My heart is always full and I am always watching you on your journey...even when you think I'm not (smiling). Sometimes it's all we can do. 831200
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