Grace

I have decided to start taking some of my older blogs and revisit them in attempt to see how I have changed… in a positive or negative way. I think we always need to be aware of ourselves and writing helps me figure myself out in a way. Here is my first revisit….

Grace ~ Original Post June 27, 2006

Recently someone spoke to me and used the word "grace". It was a brief moment... a sentence in a long discussion. The moment came and went... like a breeze. The word stuck with me.

So on my mind the last few days has been what "is" grace. How does it feel to act gracefully in a situation... and above that how do you have grace in a painful situation. With all of these questions... and after thinking about it a few days I decided to look up the word. Find out what Webster would give for a definition. Sorting through the numerous possibilities... I came across what I thought to be the one to sum it up the best.

grace: disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency

So with this knowledge I am sitting here thinking. There have been so many situations in my life that I have lacked grace. That instead of kindness... I have chosen the road of anger and hurt. That instead of courtesy... I have been inconsiderate to others feelings and beliefs. That instead of clemency... I have made ones in my life pay at the highest level for the wrongs they have done.

I wonder how experiences in my life... a few of those weighing heavily on my mind right now... would have changed if I had carried myself in a graceful manner. Would the outcomes have changed? Would there not be such heaviness on my heart when I think about those times?

Right now I am faced with the possibility of having to walk away from someone I love dearly and with all my heart. If I have to face forward... and take those steps away from him... I hope I can walk away gracefully. So maybe just maybe... the last thing he'll remember is my smile... the smile for the love and good times shared.

My first reaction to this post is that I am the same… and nothing has changed. I know this isn’t true though. After sitting here thinking about everything that I wrote almost 3 years ago I notice something. Where was I in all of this?

I took “grace” and made it almost completely about how I made someone else feel in me lacking “grace”. Here are three things that I need to add to this…

1. You can’t control other human beings feelings. We all have the choice as to how we react to someone, their actions, and their words.
2. Grace isn’t just about how you act outward… but is also about how you act inward… even in handling yourself.
3. My definition was solely based on a act of grace

I am glad the outcome did not change. I am thankful that when thinking back on some moments I do feel heaviness. Without these things… I wouldn’t have learned lessons that I did… and I can’t imagine how it would feel to be repeating some of the same patterns that I did before.