I don't have anything bothering me terribly - hence the lack of blogging. Sooo.... quickly... to shock my few readers with a post... I thought I would give a quick update.
I am happy. Simply happy.
I have exciting plans for this month... three weekends of mini trips that I am estastic about. Cassadaga, Atlanta for Christmas, and then Port St. Joe for New Years. The icing on the cake is that I will be sharing these experiences with John... and I wouldn't want it any other way.
The knee.... well... it is still attached. :o) Actually - even though I am still not all fixed up... I am managing quite nicely. Independence has started to find it's way back into my life... and it's a great thing.
Work is ok - and that is all I can ask for right now. The tension has subsided quite a bit... which makes the air easier to sit in.
I want to end with this...
I am grateful. So so very grateful for so much. I am grateful for life. I am grateful for my family. I am grateful for the person that has become my best friend... and all that he offers to my life. I am grateful for the moments I am given on a daily basis that make me smile. I am grateful to myself.... for learning from the last year and all that came before... I know that what I have come from has changed me... but in the end it was all for the best. I am grateful for this moment. I am grateful for waking up each morning and the possibilities and chances the day offers.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Three Days ~ Three Changes
I am not very sleepy... in part due to my nap this afternoon (:::sigh::: I should have known better).
I am thinking a lot about my last few days. Meeting new people and being social. Renewed hope in an important part of my life. The making of space for my "me time" passion.
I have a blog in process about change - along with a couple of others of various topics. I am realizing that without change life wouldn't continue forward... it would stay stuck and stagnant. Things are constantly in a state of change, but it is more when it gets uncomfortable that it becomes difficult to accept (at least for me). Everything that happens - happens for a reason. Sometimes we need to release what isn't working and recognize that change is needed to find what we are really looking for. This can apply to my experiences the last few days. It is interesting that these last three days... have three distinct themes of change.
There has been a recent reduction in staff in my friend category. The ONLY way this will change is if I want to change it and am willing to put myself out there. I needed to let go and take a chance Friday night. Chatty and smiley would be my self description (after about 15 min of being introverted and quiet I decided that it wasn't going to deliver the results I was looking for). In the end... I wound up having a excellent time and met some new people! :o)
Saturday... well... it was Saturday. :o) Truth was spoken and openness was present... in the downs and ups something clicked... it has been tagged "a revelation". I am hopeful. Life doesn't promise anything... it doesn't promise what tomorrow will hold or if there will even be a tomorrow. What I do know is that I hold "Saturday" and the important things about it very close... I am grateful for the answer the universe has delivered... at least for now. :o)
Tonight I decided that there was something lacking in my life that I could easily (well... somewhat easily) change. One of my passions and how I like to spend some "me time" is scrapbooking. My stuff has been in boxes and untouched for months. My weeks are changing somewhat and some alone time for me is being re-established... which really is a good thing for multiple reasons. Something clicked for me and I decided that I was going to find a way to make space in here... so I could bring my stuff out and get lost in something that makes me happy if I felt the urge to do so. I'm excited that the process is underway.... :o)
Maybe tomorrow I will have a "Day 4" to add to this list... :o)
I am thinking a lot about my last few days. Meeting new people and being social. Renewed hope in an important part of my life. The making of space for my "me time" passion.
I have a blog in process about change - along with a couple of others of various topics. I am realizing that without change life wouldn't continue forward... it would stay stuck and stagnant. Things are constantly in a state of change, but it is more when it gets uncomfortable that it becomes difficult to accept (at least for me). Everything that happens - happens for a reason. Sometimes we need to release what isn't working and recognize that change is needed to find what we are really looking for. This can apply to my experiences the last few days. It is interesting that these last three days... have three distinct themes of change.
There has been a recent reduction in staff in my friend category. The ONLY way this will change is if I want to change it and am willing to put myself out there. I needed to let go and take a chance Friday night. Chatty and smiley would be my self description (after about 15 min of being introverted and quiet I decided that it wasn't going to deliver the results I was looking for). In the end... I wound up having a excellent time and met some new people! :o)
Saturday... well... it was Saturday. :o) Truth was spoken and openness was present... in the downs and ups something clicked... it has been tagged "a revelation". I am hopeful. Life doesn't promise anything... it doesn't promise what tomorrow will hold or if there will even be a tomorrow. What I do know is that I hold "Saturday" and the important things about it very close... I am grateful for the answer the universe has delivered... at least for now. :o)
Tonight I decided that there was something lacking in my life that I could easily (well... somewhat easily) change. One of my passions and how I like to spend some "me time" is scrapbooking. My stuff has been in boxes and untouched for months. My weeks are changing somewhat and some alone time for me is being re-established... which really is a good thing for multiple reasons. Something clicked for me and I decided that I was going to find a way to make space in here... so I could bring my stuff out and get lost in something that makes me happy if I felt the urge to do so. I'm excited that the process is underway.... :o)
Maybe tomorrow I will have a "Day 4" to add to this list... :o)
Monday, October 19, 2009
Nietzsche Quotes
Tonight I was browsing some quotes while thinking about the day. I found two by Friedrich Nietzsche that I really like and seem fitting for the day.
"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."
"What is done out of love always takes place beyond good and evil."
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Religion = Personal
Religion. Why must one try to conform someone to their system of beliefs?
I am me. You are you. This should be very simple.
When was it decided the lines that clearly marked and labeled this separation became cross-able in an utterly irritating way? Answer... when I allowed them to be crossed.
I no longer...
I am me. You are you. This should be very simple.
When was it decided the lines that clearly marked and labeled this separation became cross-able in an utterly irritating way? Answer... when I allowed them to be crossed.
I no longer...
...want to be your project of conversion.
...want to be repeatedly questioned about where my beliefs stand.
...want to put on a show for you, when ultimately it is at the expense of being true to who I am.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Ownership
The word “ownership” is something that can be taken multiple ways. I have had this subject on my mind for a while, and it seemed to want to pervade my thoughts last night as I was trying to fall asleep.
We can own many things in life. In simple thinking one might be drawn to think about ownership in materialistic terms. Moving beyond objects that manifest themselves in our lives physically, we can attribute this thought pattern to our lives in a much larger sense.
There have been many instances in my life where I have been in situations or made decisions where ownership was lacking. I have felt the effects of my shortcomings, as well as the shortcomings of others in this area. In reflecting on each of those memories there is a feeling of disconnection present on some level in all of them. In not taking ownership of your life and all that it contains, you in a way sit on the sidelines calling the shots but not fully immersing yourself in the experiences that become of your choices. The experiences themselves are as important as the raw results gained by your decisions.
On my behalf – lack of ownership has landed me in debt, failing relationships that continued long past their expiration date, blurred boundaries with key people in my life, in jobs that have met my basic needs but never pushed me further, and countless other spectatorship like ways of living that perpetuated the cycle. As I stated before, I have witnessed this behavior in others which affected me, but in the end it all comes back to my lack of ownership in my life that made it possible for those situations to even exist in the first place. Ownership requires taking responsibility, but to a much higher level...
I think that there is a distinct difference in responsibility and ownership. When someone is responsible for something it requires that they are dependable and reliable to get said thing taken care of, attending to the implied needs. I will not argue that ownership requires responsibility, but I will say that it requires more than just that. It requires pride and a personal sense of importance to what is being attended to. It requires the self to give the given situation one hundred percent as it is now part of them as an integral part – whether ownership stays permanent or not - is not of importance in the moment. It is about giving your best, to the situation, yourself, and your unfolding life.
We can own many things in life. In simple thinking one might be drawn to think about ownership in materialistic terms. Moving beyond objects that manifest themselves in our lives physically, we can attribute this thought pattern to our lives in a much larger sense.
There have been many instances in my life where I have been in situations or made decisions where ownership was lacking. I have felt the effects of my shortcomings, as well as the shortcomings of others in this area. In reflecting on each of those memories there is a feeling of disconnection present on some level in all of them. In not taking ownership of your life and all that it contains, you in a way sit on the sidelines calling the shots but not fully immersing yourself in the experiences that become of your choices. The experiences themselves are as important as the raw results gained by your decisions.
On my behalf – lack of ownership has landed me in debt, failing relationships that continued long past their expiration date, blurred boundaries with key people in my life, in jobs that have met my basic needs but never pushed me further, and countless other spectatorship like ways of living that perpetuated the cycle. As I stated before, I have witnessed this behavior in others which affected me, but in the end it all comes back to my lack of ownership in my life that made it possible for those situations to even exist in the first place. Ownership requires taking responsibility, but to a much higher level...
I think that there is a distinct difference in responsibility and ownership. When someone is responsible for something it requires that they are dependable and reliable to get said thing taken care of, attending to the implied needs. I will not argue that ownership requires responsibility, but I will say that it requires more than just that. It requires pride and a personal sense of importance to what is being attended to. It requires the self to give the given situation one hundred percent as it is now part of them as an integral part – whether ownership stays permanent or not - is not of importance in the moment. It is about giving your best, to the situation, yourself, and your unfolding life.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Complicated Δ Simple
There has definitely been an increase within the smiles department of my life lately and it’s quite welcomed – obnoxious declarations of happiness were my world in the last blog and not much has changed. :o) The smiles continue each day...
There are two quotes tonight that reached to me. I have decided to go with the more ambiguous of the two, as one has a message so clear that it could cause an outcry of questions, which makes the quote I am going to choose even more appropriate.
“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.” ~Dr. Seuss
For those who know me... I am a fan of Seuss quotes. The quotes themselves bring with them simplicity in complexity and this one hits the spot for multiple reasons... including the fact that it speaks to the style.
Complicated questions with simple answers are hard to wrap the head around at times. Whether it’s a question from inward or coming from an outside source, I lean to complicated answers for complicated questions... which sometimes isn't the best route to an answer.
I have asked myself a couple of complicated questions recently and have given myself extremely simple answers. It is in the rawness of a simple answer that one can find significant truth. Don’t misunderstand me... even when the conclusion is a simple truth... introspection and analysis are integral parts of the answer most times... but in the end there are some truths we can find that don’t have clear logic and that is okay. At these times... it just is what it is... and it is in these moments we can find an answer that holds overwhelming clarity even in simplicity.
There are two quotes tonight that reached to me. I have decided to go with the more ambiguous of the two, as one has a message so clear that it could cause an outcry of questions, which makes the quote I am going to choose even more appropriate.
“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.” ~Dr. Seuss
For those who know me... I am a fan of Seuss quotes. The quotes themselves bring with them simplicity in complexity and this one hits the spot for multiple reasons... including the fact that it speaks to the style.
Complicated questions with simple answers are hard to wrap the head around at times. Whether it’s a question from inward or coming from an outside source, I lean to complicated answers for complicated questions... which sometimes isn't the best route to an answer.
I have asked myself a couple of complicated questions recently and have given myself extremely simple answers. It is in the rawness of a simple answer that one can find significant truth. Don’t misunderstand me... even when the conclusion is a simple truth... introspection and analysis are integral parts of the answer most times... but in the end there are some truths we can find that don’t have clear logic and that is okay. At these times... it just is what it is... and it is in these moments we can find an answer that holds overwhelming clarity even in simplicity.
Friday, October 9, 2009
H-A-P-P-Y
Sooo... :o) I normally get on here when I am frustrated, upset, lost, need direction, or am just plain sad. These emotions when present are passionate and strong, even though not very pleasant. I can endlessly write when I am in this space. It is when I am in a happy place that I don’t find as much importance in blogging.
I will occasionally go back and read through my posts to see where my life has been in relation to where it is going. If I leave out the really great things, then I will be leaving out a very important part. Along with the negatives in life, there are amazing positives at times which are equally important. So, I am about to throw some positives out here.
I am H-A-P-P-Y. :o) I love the space I am in at this moment, both physically and mentally. Smiles are easy and abundant. The future feels filled with so much possibility. I don’t feel any immense distance to any of the important people in my life... and in fact I feel closer to some of them than I ever have. There are goals for my future that I am slowly moving towards and it’s exciting (for example... going back to school in the spring is going to be major for me). I am soaking up the hugs and laughs. Life feels at peace. I was thrilled to wake up this morning and start my day. Like I said... happy... really really happy.
I am grateful for these moments and times in life when I can sit down and not have a list of things pulsing in the front of my brain that are bothering me. Life is far from perfect, but even with the imperfections things can feel amazing. It’s all a matter of how you handle the imperfections. :o)
I will occasionally go back and read through my posts to see where my life has been in relation to where it is going. If I leave out the really great things, then I will be leaving out a very important part. Along with the negatives in life, there are amazing positives at times which are equally important. So, I am about to throw some positives out here.
I am H-A-P-P-Y. :o) I love the space I am in at this moment, both physically and mentally. Smiles are easy and abundant. The future feels filled with so much possibility. I don’t feel any immense distance to any of the important people in my life... and in fact I feel closer to some of them than I ever have. There are goals for my future that I am slowly moving towards and it’s exciting (for example... going back to school in the spring is going to be major for me). I am soaking up the hugs and laughs. Life feels at peace. I was thrilled to wake up this morning and start my day. Like I said... happy... really really happy.
I am grateful for these moments and times in life when I can sit down and not have a list of things pulsing in the front of my brain that are bothering me. Life is far from perfect, but even with the imperfections things can feel amazing. It’s all a matter of how you handle the imperfections. :o)
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